(The following factual story involves so much literary license it should probably be classified as fictional. But my memory is terrible, so forgive me.)
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Let me take you back to elementary school...
Eric Boyd Vogeler and I shared many adventures during our Bonneville days: baseball, homeroom teachers, crushes, four-square matches, wounds (ask Eric), and pretty much every other worthwhile endeavor.
In the midst of one particularly creative year Eric and I enjoyed outwitting the rest of the world. This practice extended beyond our friendship, even beyond our families, and saturated our daily lives (or so we thought -- heaven knows we were the truly outwitted ones).
Back to Bonneville. Eric and I are sitting in class reveling in our "Pinky and the Brain" relationship (Eric = Brain -- Dave = Pinky). A substitute teacher enters the room.
Eric whispers "what will we do today, Dave?"
I respond "I don't know, probably the same thing we do everyday Eric -- not listen, stay after to redo our failed spelling tests, whitewash a girl at recess..."
Eric cuts in "no, Dave. Today we will show the substitute teacher we students aren't as dumb as she may think."
"But how we will do that?" I respond with excitement.
"Just watch, just watch" Eric replies through a cunning smile.
The teacher begins taking roll. All seems normal as she traverses the list, that is, until Eric announces his name.
"Bob."
"Bob?"
"Yes, Bob. That's what I said. The roll may say Eric, but I go by Bob."
"You go by Bob? How does the nickname Bob come from Eric Vogeler?"
"Well, mam, perhaps you should take the time to notice middle names on your roll."
"Middle names? Okay, let's see. Your middle name is Boyd, that still doesn't explain why you go by Bob" says the less than amused teacher.
"Mam, trust me, the name Bob far exceeds Boyd in this generation's eyes. And since Bob is a natural replacement for Boyd I don't find my using it hard to believe" quips a confident Eric.
"Okay, whatever."
And with that the teacher concedes and the Brain wins again, as he always does. Meanwhile Pinky, impressed by Brain's brilliance and still lost in the logic, concludes to never again use the name Eric when referring to his remarkable friend. He will forever be known as Bob.
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Hence the title of this post -- Bob and Dahvid Reborn. When you see the name Bob, think of Eric Vogeler.
Now for another clarification. Bob and I enjoy posing mindless questions to each other. When one of us receives a question our task is to answer it to the best of our ability.
Bob recently challenged me with the following topic: "Dick Cheney vs Thomas S. Monson (or, how did BYU and Utah swap commencement speakers?!"
Story Teller vs Oil Man
What do all good Happy Valleys need? A story teller. Nothing renews the attitude, euphoria, and ambiance of a Happy Valley like an engaging story teller. His presence refines the community by uniting the citizens behind a common purpose.
What do all good Salt Valleys need? An oil man -- and his company. Nothing yields more possible uses for oil than the process of extracting, combining, combusting and manufacturing NaCl products.
In light of the above mentioned needs the question has been asked "why was President Monson (a storyteller) chosen for the University of Utah commencement and Vice President Dick Cheney (an oil man) chosen for the BYU commencement?"
On the surface no substantive arguments appear for the commencement speaker choices at the U and the Y. In fact it seems if the men might simply switch schools, thus placing President Monson in Happy Valley and Dick Cheney in the land of Salt, all would be well.
But why mess up a good thing?
If the desire is for a story teller in Happy Valley -- look no further than Mr. Cheney. Unfulfilled Iraq promises alone would (and perhaps will) fill the National Archives. And many of the stories are quite compelling -- complete with the sacrifice of life and liberty. Throw in some big business journal entries and those Provoites won't have enough time to digest what Mr. Cheney throws their way.
As for President Monson in the land of Salt, the connection resides in the Bible. Many of Salt Lake's residents have "lost (their) savor." What could be better than President Monson and his spiritual company invading the Hunstman Center on May 4th. He will extract spiritual diamonds from the crowd and combine a nearly combustable spirit with his stories to produce (produce = a type of manufacturing) conversions of the otherwise wasted salt.
So, in reality, President Cheney in Provo and President Monson in SLC makes perfect sense. The story teller and oil man will speak where they should.
Bob your topic is - A 2012 debate featuring Rocky the Democratic Presidential nominee vs Hannity the Republican Presidential nominee
2 comments:
Love it. Makes perfect sense.
First, brilliant showing my Dear Dahvid. Clear, concise, well-argued, all-around fun. As for your facts, Dave, only two things come to mind: First, we did not have a Pinky and the Brain relationship as you describe it. If anything, we were something of a Starsky and Hutch, or Luke and Han, or Indiana and Dr. Jones. Second, it was not a female sub. I remember it distinctly as a male sub. Beyond that, you hit it right on the head. Look for my response shortly.
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